Mother Nature is so cruel to women as if PMS and a period and childbirth aren’t bad enough all of a sudden this thing called menopause creeps in. It’s a slow process and at times it makes you think your going insane. One minute, you’re hot then you’re cold. You’re hungry then not happy and sad at the same dam time.

I don’t think many sex workers talk about it. But, this one is! Menopause hit me like a brick wall. One day I was this very sexual being; the next, I could careless if i ever had sex again. Everything just seemed to change and I couldn’t catch my breath. It was frightening for a while. I thought maybe I just used up all of my Mojo.

Could that happen?

Was i now forced to live half a life?

I went from doctor to doctor they said i was too young oh yeah tell my body because it is doing some crazy shit.

Because I’m working at the porn store, I know that if you don’t use it you lose it. I see lots of older ladies coming in saying their Vag shrunk and, now, can’t fit a penis anymore. But they were so much older than me.

I wasn’t going to chance it. Sex drive or not I was going to keep that hole open.

I continued to see my boy toy. I got no pleasure out of it. I shut down and went into escort mode. I looked at it like work.  Finally, after a while, I stopped seeing the boy toy…. Fuck it!!

I’m broken!!

I fell into a dark place and walked around in it for quite sometime. My friends couldn’t understand they were still years from it. My Vanilla friends seemed to have a bit more compassion; maybe, because they weren’t obsessed with sex. My Rocky road friends would make faces like they pitied me. Then, they would change the subject.

So, Miss Rebecca, kinda became a virgin again.

With not having sex for two years, that cave was filled with cobwebs.

YEAH, I said it two years someone has to stand up and admit this happens.

So, what did i do?

I refused to roll over and play dead. I decided to date to find my mojo again.

This is the continuing saga i call my life.

Rebecca – climbing out of the dark to find her lost MOJO.

2016©Rebecca Deos