Because I work at the Porn store, everyone has something to say on dating including the regulars that come in to use the booths to jerk off everyday.
Hello, Im not taking your advice.
They all want to put a horse in the race.
I did allow one friend to help me. He went through the tons of emails and found one he seemed to feel I would like.
My friend looks like a chihuahua. He has no drivers license and no car. He recently got a phone that’s turned off every other week. He never has money. He was in jail. And, on many levels is just UNDATABLE.
But, what he does have is the gift of gab. He can talk circles around most men. That’s his talent. He’s got girls coming out of the woodwork. They drive over an hour to pick him up. They feed him, buy him things, give him money and, overall, kiss his feet. I’m amazed and in awe of it.
He’s my Puerto Rican player. After all, he seems to have a handle on this whole dating game. So, I take his advise and message the guy he picked. I met him in person but wasn’t attracted to him. I figured I’d give it a shot.
The next day, he picks me up for a bike riding date at Boca Grand. We were going to spend the day on the island of Boca. It sounded nice. I disclose I haven’t been on a bike in years. I figure how hard can it be. I get on the bike and I start to ride with no problem.
We go about mile and a half without an issue.
Then, I hit sand and fall and bust my ass!
I jump up really fast and start to brush the sand off of me.
“Im OK!!!’, I say.
He say’s, “Ummm, you’re bleeding.”
We’re talking about twenty minutes into the date.
Already, I’m thinking in my head, I’m never going to see this dude again and don’t really care that my fall was an epic fail.
He actually asked me, if I wanted to keep riding.
‘Hmmm lets see…. NO!’
So, we walk the bikes back to the car. He’d lost track of the car; yet, we passed it three times before he found it. We got in the car and drove to a restaurant.
Wandering around looking for the car in the brutal 90 degree temps. I was ready for ice water, chili fries and air conditioning, much more my speed. After we eat, he suggests we do a walking around the quaint town. Ok, I’m able to walk. It seems safer in my eyes.
We walk and we walk and we walk some more. Just when I think the date is over he suggests getting some Ice cream. I never met a flavor I didn’t like so I agree. The date started at 10:00 a.m. It’s now about three. I’m thinking the date is over now.
Nope, he wants to walk some more. Now, I’m really sunburnt. (I am very fair skinned). I can feel it.The scratch on my face from the fall is really starting to burn from my sweat. And, I feel sore on one half of my body.
But, I go along with it. We go window shopping. Eventually, we walk to the car and start to drive home. Or, so I thought.
The guy pulls over and shouts with glee, “Were Here!”
‘Here – Where?’
We’ve only driven a few miles. We haven’t even crossed the bridge that got us here.
He jumps out of the car and pulls a beach tent from the car roof. He must be the MacGiver of dates.
OMG, we’re on the other side of the beach. He wants to stay for sunset.
It’s only four o’clock.
I thought about running in the the ocean and drowning myself. But, as most of you already know, I’m deathly afraid of nature. If anyone would get eaten by a shark it or bitten by a dolphin, it would be me.
I do, eventually, make it home and dropped off by my kidnapper. It was the longest date in history.
The next day, I pick up my Puerto Rican player. He opens the car door, takes one look at my sunburnt and scratched up face, and just shakes his head.
“Really!!!! Dating just might kill you”, he says.
Rebecca – wounded sunburnt and never doing another marathon biking date. But … she can make a impression guys will never forget.
***** google image